Scrap them, the majority are lies!!
All I will say is, if you’re the type of person who is still trying to keep some of your childhood alive, you will snap out of it after reading my top childhood lies told by my family.
1. Ho, Ho, No…. He’s not real.
Well, let me tell you what I found out on that magical morning of the 25th. I couldn’t contain my excitement, waking up my Mam every hour on the clock.
“is it time, can we go down, did he come yet.”
“No, its too early go back asleep for another while.”
She finally gave in at 5:00a.m. Down we went, I led the way with my Mam and my Aunt following. My smile was so big it was nearly touching my eyes. That quickly changed when I peeped my head round the sitting room to be faced with the white bearded man himself, Father Christmas!!! I can assure you something, I gave Usain Bolt a run for his money that morning. I ran for the hills jumping over my Aunt on the stairs on the way up and leaped back under the duvet cover.
“He’s there, I saw him downstairs”.
I shouted to my brother (considering, he was 21 when this happened).
So, after scaring the bejaysus out of myself, I waited till the whole house was up before I stepped foot out of the bed. 8:00 a.m. came and down I went to open my presents and starting to put that smile on my face after almost pooping myself with the fear of seeing Santa.
2 weeks later...
I opened up the hot press one day to get out my bed socks. In the corner of my eye I saw a black sack with a vivid red overall and a white curly beard sticking out (don’t worry, I didn’t stuff Santa in my hot press Christmas morning, I couldn’t risk not getting that Bike). I was confused as to what this was doing in the hot press so in kept it to myself. A few days later, I told myself it was true, it all added up.
“That wasn’t Santa I saw”.
“What do you mean, who else was it”. Said my mam.
“it was grandad dressed up, I saw it in the hot press”.
My mams face may as well had written all over it ‘you’re right, it was grandad’. She is a terrible liar, even to this day. The disappointment of finding out Santa is all a lie was a big blow for me. I wasn’t bothered about believing about the magical side of it like the elf’s, Mrs. Claus, leaving out the carrots for Rudolph. I was just worried my Mam wouldn’t think she’d have to buy me big presents anymore because I now knew she buys them, not Santa. She isn’t getting away with it that easy. At this stage, Santa was thrown out the window (or should I say, my Grandad). Although, I must say, 10/10 for the costume. It was the best thing he bought form the €2 shop. But it was a 2/10 for packing it away in the hot press after.
All the Christmas’s we’ve had since, that story brings a lot of laughs on Christmas night when everyone has those one too many beers. Not me though, I do tear up inside knowing the man you’ve been good for year in year out, is all a big fat L I E.
2. Am I Pinocchio Yet?...
Everyone believe that?? We’re off to a good start.
Every child tells some sort of white lies in their time, even if it’s just to cover up the smallest of things. Drawing on the walls, sneaking a chocolate bar out of the fridge before dinner (best part of the day), or even just blaming a friend or sibling.
I remember one year in primary school in 1st class I was really expecting to turn into Pinocchio. My mam used to give me a healthy enough lunch as a child. Brown bread sandwich, apple, cereal bar and a cheese string. I used to always try and keep the best things for my big lunch, which meant eating the cheese string for my little. The fact is, I hated cheese strings. They’re disgusting, but I couldn’t tell my mam that because she bought them every week. The hungry child that I was, I discovered the girl sitting next to me used to bring a Penguin chocolate bar for her lunch every day, you know those ones with the cheesiest jokes on? Ha, get it? Cheesy jokes? Cheese string? So, I always wondered why she never ate the chocolate bar because if that was me, it would have been the best part of the lunch. So, one day I had to ask.
“Holly, why don’t you ever eat your chocolate bar”.
“I don’t really like Penguin bars”, said Holly.
“Do you like cheese strings”, I said.
“Yeah, they’re really nice”, she answered back.
JACKPOTTTT!! I had the best idea. I asked her if she wanted to swap the chocolate bar for the cheese string. She jumped at the offer and couldn’t give me the chocolate bar fast enough. I was buzzing. But, for this to work, I had to bring home the cheese string wrapper in my lunch box everyday to make sure my mam ‘knew’ I was eating it. Calcium and all that. And visa versa, she took the chocolate wrapper. This was the best swapsies ever, who would give up a chocolate bar for a cheese string? I didn’t ask again 😊.
When first class ended, and we broke up for Summer, I was making it a mission I sat next to her in 2nd class. My plan worked, we continued the deal for 2nd class too and I looked forward to that chocolate bar every day.
To this day, my Mam thinks I still love cheese strings. I never liked them, they’re like rubbery cheese. At least I’m old enough now to buy my own lunch, and I can tell you I still love a good old Penguin bar every now and again. Mostly, to read the stupid jokes on the back. I’ll give you an example I know you want one...
Q. How does a penguin build its house?
A. Igloos it together!
So, as you should be able to tell, my nose stayed the same time after this small lie for 2 years of my childhood. And I know what you’re thinking, isn’t this blog about lies you’ve been told in childhood? You’re right, but I had to just make sure it didn’t actually turn me into Pinocchio. Which meant that lie wasn’t actually a real lie, it was just a lie to make sure my Mam told me a lie by saying my nose would get bigger 😉.
Ill finish up with two little lies I have been told but I think everyone can relate to somehow…
3. Come on, it’s way past your bed time.
4. 21, and still can’t see in the dark.
What other lies have you been told?
Because I know I could go on and on, but those are the main ones I have been told. And no joke, number 1 still upsets me ☹. I didn’t think my grandad would stoop so low, but it makes me a little better knowing he still does it to my cousins, so they can figure out the heartbreak of Santa not being real.
Childhood is basically like a maths sum...
Lie + Lie = Childhood.
But still, the harsh realities of adulthood make me want to rewind back to those gullible days.
Author: Ciara Twomey
4th Year Recreation and Sport Management Student